Oh sure, you would all listen to Mother’s every commandment and do it because I said so. I know that. But still, it never hurts to have video support from your favorite famous TV journalist, right? Right! So I was thrilled and grateful for this perfect scenario that illustrates a generous variety of salubrious driving DOs and DON’Ts. And it’s very entertaining. Check it out…
The Colbert Report
Wasn’t that fun? Go ahead, watch it again. I’ll wait.
I know you’re all over it and easily identified every one, but it’s my job, so let me just recap those DOs and DON’Ts for you. I mean DON’Ts and DOs.
- DON’T change lanes in the Lincoln Tunnel. Those are double yellow lines and this is not Vermont. Or Pennsylvania.
- DO wear your helmet. Good boy!
- DON’T pop wheelies in traffic. Or DO be careful – it does look like fun.
- DO refrain from writing notes while you’re driving. Good man!
- DON’T use your iPhone for videos or anything else while you’re driving. EVER! Do you hear me? This means you! Every one of you. Stop it!! I mean it!!!
- DON’T make me tell you again!
- DO enjoy the antics of the other drivers in the tunnel, or on the bridge, or wherever.
- DON’T get mad at them. Or get even. And whatever you do, DON’T have road rage at them. Or you.
- DO use your Rider Method to make up funny stories about them instead, like the jelly beans. How can you be mad at your fellow jelly beans?
- DON’T fail to watch the Colbert Report on Comedy Central at 11:30 whenever he isn’t on vacation.
- DO use your DVR to save it for the following day after the news if you’re too old to stay up that late.
- DON’T forget what Stephen and I said about the distractions. They are deadly. And we DON’T want you dead.
- DON’T believe me? Spend some quality time with this tragic collection of real life stories from D!STRACTION.GOV:
- DO learn to laugh more, rage less and text never while you’re driving. Immediately.
- DON’T forget that mother nags you about this stuff because she cares, not because she’s crabby. And because that’s what mothers do.